The Misadventures of Barneysaurus

There's something about My Last Post as a Bachelor

2008-09-13T23:14:00.002+08:00

Dear all :D!

Yes yes, this is my last post as a bachelor, and I think I better make it a super duper short one because I need rest before my Big Day :)! In fact, this is the only paragraph, haha :D.... Read here for more :)!

With Love,
Barneysaurus :)

There’s something about The Wedding Blog of Flying Paper & Barneysaurus

2007-10-01T14:37:00.001+08:00

Dear all :D!

Thanks for all the kind and nice wishes :)!!!!

Haha, do take note that all major blogging activities will now be held here. Click only if you can stomach extreme dosages of mushiness :D!!!!

With Love,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about The 11th of September Part II

2007-09-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

I’ve finally found My One :)

With Love,
Barneysaurus

There's something about The 11th of September

2007-09-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

记得在两年前的日本餐馆里
我向你申请一个机会‘代’幸福给你
害羞的你却只懂装糊涂而已
回想起来这段感情真的得来不易 !

两年后的今天我们在君华的餐馆里
地点不同但我的心意依然如一
打从心里想带一辈子的幸福给你
而我的幸福早在两年前放在你手里 :). . . .

And so she said yes :)

With Love,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Never Give Up

2007-06-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

After 3 years spent at a ulu part of Singapore, my unexpected journey as an over-aged undergraduate has officially come to an end. I would like to thank the three most important ladies in my life for making this possible.

1) My Sister
If you never moved out of the house when I was 17, I probably would have failed my 'O's and kiss my uni dreams goodbye. So Sis, a very big thank you to you for allowing the house to be peaceful :D

2) My Mum
I would not be where I am today if not for the countless sacrifices you made. Thanks for giving me the chance to become someone you can be proud of :)

3) My beloved B3
For believing in me. For giving strength to Last Minute Productions. For being hand-in-hand by my side while we climbed mountains. For being the reason for me to never give up, and for offering your hand. The best thing that happened to me in uni was not the piece of paper, it was you :)

It was only possible because of you, and for that, I just want to say:

Thank you :)

Signing Off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Updates

2007-05-27T11:51:00.000+08:00

Updates!

1) I'm back to work. Heh.

2) Wii is incredibly addictive.

3) B3 is super cute in her jogging attire. But then again she is super cute in every thing, hahahaha.... I hope our jog this morning more than makes up for the incredibly sinful dinners we have been having :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about The Last Paper

2007-05-01T01:18:00.000+08:00

And with it, ends my 3 years in NTU.

Sitting in 179, taking in the sights of the school in the twilight, I was overcame by an unexpected rush of emotions.

And then my stomach growled. Heh.

I think I shall call it a night and leave the lyrics-waxing for another day. Because words fail me now.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Those Unforgettable Days

2007-04-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

I will be sitting for my last paper four days' time. And with it, my three years' worth of misadventures at the local uni will come to an end. As with most of my classmates, I'm getting all nostalgic already. Heh.

Random Incident #01:

Lecturer: You have not attended any of my lectures this semester. Why?

Me: . . . . Because I learn nothing from your lectures.

Suffice to say I'm not exactly in Dr Zhang's good books. Heh.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about The Busy Dino

2007-02-26T22:12:00.001+08:00

Ok ok, I know I haven't been blogging much because:

1) I'm a good boy who spends most of his time on Home Work :)

2) I'm a good boy who spends most of his time on FYP :)

3) I'm a good boy who is improving his Chinese History by playing a lot of San Guo :)

4) I'm a good boy who needs to help his mum eat the house's supply of New Year Goodies :)

5) I'm a good boy who has worked his game and defeated his beloved B3 in Connect 4. Finally, heh heh :)

As you can see, I am a very busy good boy :)

Happy New Year everyone :D!

Signing Out,
Barneysaurus

There's something about The Treetop Walk

2007-01-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

A sunny Saturday morning, we made our way to the top of the treetop walk.

Ten odd kms of rocky agony, I'm thankful you slaughtered me not.

Sandwiches filled with eggs, tomatoes, and the garment picnic ham you bought.

Your hands with mine, we made our way to the top of the treetop walk.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s Something About This Coming Sunday

2006-12-01T19:19:00.000+08:00

Come Sunday morning, I will be subjecting myself to 42.195km worth of torture. But! The good news is that I will get another free Adidas shirt at the end of the run. Heh.

Seriously though, I am woefully unprepared this time. But I am looking forward to the iced Milo, courtesy of B3 :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s Something About 17th November

2006-11-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

For those of you who still bother to check out this blog, I owe you a big SORRY because I’ve not been updating due to the following reasons:

1) I’ve been busy with school work and have just completed a major paper this morning.

2) I’ve been busy fighting off the marauding hordes of Cao Cao in San Guo 11.

3) I’ve been busy fighting off zombies and other assorted spirits in Reigen Doushi.

Because of the above reasons, I didn’t write about the very meaningful birthday I had, nor about this year’s Mid-Autumn festival, nor about many other important occasions.

But I must blog on the 17th November, because 365 days ago, ‘someone’ gave me a very good reason to celebrate this day. In fact, she gave me such a good reason I must celebrate this day year after year after year.

Thank you, my dearest B3, for bringing the smiles back into my life :)

With Love,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about Three Strikes

2006-09-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

When this happened a year ago, I told myself three things:

1) It would be great if her date doesn’t clash with any exams.

2) It would be better if she’s performing at Esplanade instead of ~~sucky~~ indoor stadium.

3) I will attend her concert next time, if there's ever a 'next time'.

A year later, she’s indeed making a trip here again. In fact, she is coming on my birthday.

And I won’t be going alone this time :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Coincidences

2006-09-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

So I happen to know of this couple who bought this pair of polo shirts that is exactly the same except they are of different sizes.

Yes, we are talking about lovers' clothes here.

They made this pact that they have to wear them at least once in a month. The trick though, is they wouldn't know when the other will be wearing it. We are talking about a chance in sixty here.

But somehow, they did.

Magic :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about Happy Teacher’s Day :)

2006-09-01T08:57:00.001+08:00

I would like to wish a very, very happy Teacher’s Day to all the teachers out there, unless they happen to fall under the abusive-disparaging-evil-pedophile type of teachers.

I would also like to wish my very, very special Fei Fei Lao Shi a very happy Teacher’s Day, because she is the number one and only one best Fei Fei Lao Shi in the whole wide world, haha :). . . . Hugs :)!

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about Happy Teacher’s Day :)

2006-09-01T08:57:00.000+08:00

There's something about Nadnut

2006-08-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

This entry is all about Nadnut.

Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut Nadnut

Ok, you can stop stalking me already. Muahahaha :D!

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about The Most Wonderful Jelly I Ever Tasted

2006-08-03T23:46:00.000+08:00

Good food alert!

I've found the best-tasting jellies in Singapore, and probably the world :D!

I didn't find it in Newton Hawker Centre. . . .

I didn't find it in Lau Pat Sat. . . .

I didn't find it in the many nice eateries in Chinatown. . . .

But in the comfort of my home:

The best tasting jellies in the whole world

I am the luckiest man in the world :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about My Attachment

2006-07-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

My attachment finally ended!

But I am back to work. Again. There is no holidays for me. Haha.

Anyway, I bear good news today: I had ice cream from the Toa Payoh Uncle the other day. Yes, he is back :)

It turns out that he was taking a month's rest following an eye operation. He is ok now! I didn't even mind it when he forgot and gave me the yucky durian flavor ice cream. I is very happy.

As I walked away that day, I suddenly realised that I've forgot to ask for his name again. But standing in the distance, watching the Uncle smiling while serving others ice cream, that doesn't seem to matter that much any more.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about That day At The Library

2006-07-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

I have always wanted to do this at least once.

I was in the library. Reading papers. There was this uncle making helluva lot of noise on his handphone. I really wanted him to shut up. So I went up to him and did just that.

Life is good :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about A Tinge of Regret

2006-06-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

I happen to drop by Toa Payoh a few weeks back for some errands, and ended up staying longer than intended. Having lived the better part of my life there (24 years, to be exact), it’s a place of warm and usually fond remembrance for me.

Despite the upgrading and new buildings, there were a lot of things that didn’t change. For example, the pasar malam was still packed. They still have those kiddie rides (scooter or car for you?) at I-don’t-know-how-many cents per ride. And there were still a lot of uncles playing checkers at the void deck near what used to be the central fountain.

About the only thing that was different, yet uniquely congruent to the communal spirit of Toa Payoh, was the many line dancers sashaying at the pavements, seemingly obviously to the stares of curious passer-bys.

To me, there is another constant in Toa Payoh: there is this old ice cream uncle whom I’ve bought ice cream from since I was in secondary school. He would always be there, regardless of the weather, three hundred and sixty five days a year barring Chinese New Year. I witnessed the price of the ice cream more than tripled from 30 cents to the current $1, witnessed how the number of ice cream sellers increased from the original one to god-knows-how-many-now, and also witnessed how the poor uncle developed a limp over the years.

I always make it a point to get a cone from him whenever I’m in Toa Payoh, and that night was no exception. Our conversations were always the same: 你吃饱了吗？你要不要榴莲味的？一定要问因为有些人不喜欢榴莲味。

I have no idea why, but I had a sudden urge to take a picture with Uncle that night. But I refrained because I’ve heard that old folks are not really into pictures because it’s deemed as inauspicious. As I walked away though, I couldn’t resist it, and went back to take a shot of him in the distance without him knowing.

I was back in Toa Payoh again last night, but failed to get my usual ice cream because Uncle was not around. In fact, he wasn’t around last week either. For want of a better description, my imagination went wild. My hand in hers, B3 comforted me by saying he has probably retired, and is probably enjoying a warm dinner with his family now. I hope with my heart that she is right.

I never did find out his name all these years.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about My Love Affairs

2006-05-28T21:14:00.000+08:00

I lusted after Evisu, but I know I’ll never be happy with someone so flashy.

Flirted briefly with Blue Cult and True Religion, but they freaked me out by being too preachy.

Went surfing once with Tsubi, didn’t work out because I was caught ogling at Nudie.

So I had a beer with tomboy Diesel, and I know it’s a match that’s meant to be.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about A Very Bad Habit

2006-05-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not updating recently: I’ve been really busy with my work attachment these couple of weeks.

That is, I was busy playing Spider Solitaire :)

Anyway, I’ve developed a very bad habit of late: I’m addicted to shopping. That initial itch to get something will somehow develop into a full-blown obsession, with me spending hours and hours at shopping centers, neighbourhood stores, and Evil Bay.

But I can’t help myself. The sense of suspense as you enter your auction bid at the dying seconds. The thrill of the kill when you get not just a Good, but a Great buy. The satisfaction when an eagerly anticipated overseas parcel arrives. The pain and agony when you realize you could have got it cheaper because of that sale that came a week too late.

B3 thinks I’m turning female. I is scared too. And when I lost at the recent bidding war, I swear I felt the cramps.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Happy Mother's Birthday

2006-05-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

Today is a super duper special day because not only is it Mother's Day, it is also B3's birthday :)

So. . . .

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY CUM MOTHER'S DAY AH B3 :D!

The fact that your 21st birthday falls on Mother's Day is a high indication that you will become a mother soon :D! *Expects to get bished big time for typing the previous sentence*

To everybody else in this whole wide world: Happy Mother's Day :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about That Very Belated Post

2006-05-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

I’VE FINISHED MY EXAMS :D!

That was like 3 days ago.

And I’ve started my work attachment ~~today~~ yesterday.

Where are my holidays :(?!?!

Anyway, I swear that Hey Ya song by Outkast is jinxed. About a year and a half back, I was at another work attachment, desperately fighting for my life against the vicious Zzzzz Monster when I heard the song on the radio. Then yesterday afternoon I found myself listening to the same song on the radio and fighting the Zzzzz Monster again. Damn.

Anyway, the chicken rice uncle called me 小弟 when I was queuing up at his stall. Cheap thrill, but nonetheless I is happy sia :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about A Big Thank You For Yesterday

2006-05-04T09:55:00.001+08:00

After months of meticulous planning, yesterday finally happened :)

A big THANKS to everyone who helped to make what happened yesterday a reality :D! I hope everyone enjoyed themselves as much as me and B3 did, keke :). . . .

Ok, back to my exams :P

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Day I Wrote Very, Very Fast

2006-04-26T10:13:00.000+08:00

So I was in the exam hall the other day, about to start on the last question (34% weightage) that I allocated 45 minutes to.

Then the invigilator called out “You have 15 minutes remaining.”

I mistook a 2.0 hour paper for 2½ hours.

I never wrote so fast before in my life.

I need divine intervention.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about My Coming Exams

2006-04-11T18:18:00.000+08:00

Actually, other that the fact that I've not started serious revisions yet (my first paper starts on the coming Tuesday), there's nothing interesting about my coming exams. Acome to think of it, there's nothing interesting about me not having started serious revisions either.

Anyway, it being the exams, I'll be refraining from blogging for the next month or so. I think.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Why I Am Happy Today

2006-04-05T10:55:00.000+08:00

My chest grew by an inch :)

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about The Metal Chest Expander

2006-03-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

So I finally bought a metal chest expander yesterday. I don't know if the maker was trying to be funny, but the label went: "For external use only".

I hope my $10.50 was worth it. After using the latex version for a month odd, I'm sad to report here that I still see no sign of me changing cup size soon. Damn. And discouraging friends such as Champion Chen and Lion Queen, whose Man has considerable pecs, told me point-blank that some things are 'hereditary'. Damn.

I'm now crossing my fingers that Oto will come up with a male version of the Trimax that boost your chest size or something. Oh well.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There's something about Chest Expanders, Redux

2006-03-27T19:33:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this. My chest expander snapped. Again.

No more latex for me! I'm going for the metal types.

In other news, I'm doing my attachment in a company that deals with inflatables. Don't ask.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about Another Obligatory Post

2006-03-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

I’ve been like damn busy ok? Actually, not really, because during the time while I was MIA, I clocked many a good round of Spider Solitaire. Heh heh….

But since I finally log on, here’s an obligatory post. Sort of.

1) To respond to the many queries about what the hell is a chest –expander: It’s that metal string thingy you pull and pull with your arms so that your chest gets bigger. Except mine is not metal but latex. Not only is it more expensive, it snaps too! Yippee! For those who are still unsure of what it is, you can either: a) google it; b) just think of it that I’m trying to grow breast lah,

2) Totally irrelevant, but very inspiring. After walking past that Crystal Jade fast food thingy at Wisma, I finally gave that $2.50 chicken chop takeaway a try. Verdict: IT’S WORTH EVERY SINGLE CENT :D! Mind you, it’s a whole piece of chicken thigh we are talking about here, fried to crispy and tender perfection. I have no idea what the hell they used to marinate the damn thing, but whatever it is, it’s damn good. Go try! It’s like 1000x better than the so-called XXXL chicken chops from Taiwan, which sucks.

3) This is like damn late, but my favorite male blogger (or at least I think he’s male), Cheeky, has said goodbye. I is sibeh sian.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about How To Know If You Are Having A Bad Day

2006-03-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

You know you are having a bad day when your chest expander snaps and hits you squarely across the face. How the hell thick latex snaps after just two months of usage, I have no idea. And yes, it was uber painful.

You also know your friends are not exactly the innocent sort when they asked you if you were whipped across the face in a kinky fashion. Too much lah, you all, I’m a good boy!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about An Exercise In Exasperation

2006-02-23T08:44:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, Barneysaurus was on MSN when ~~a friend~~ an acquaintance started a conversation. It went something like this:

He: Eh! Haven’t seen you on MSN for ages! What have you been up to?

Me: Been busy with school. Self-imposed exile from MSN and the internet in general.

Me: By the way, can you return my Adrian Mole? I feel like reading it again.

After five or so minutes:

He: Wah! You are studying now?!?! Where?

He: Happening or not? Any babes to intro?

Me: NTU, business. I try to focus on the books instead of the babes.

Me: By the way, can you return my Adrian Mole? I feel like reading it again.

After another five or so minutes:

He: Sure or not? Never look at girls?!?!? Dun lie leh!

He: You gay huh? Hahaha!

Me: Yah, I’m into guys nowadays.

Me: By the way, can you return my Adrian Mole? I feel like reading it again.

After yet another five or so minutes:

He: Hahaha!

After one or so minute, he went offline.

I am convinced that he’s using a software that filters out unpleasant requests.

I want my Adrian Mole back.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Every Thing Is Changing And I Don’t Know Why

2006-02-19T00:32:00.000+08:00

After a period of self-imposed abstinence from the evils of MSN, Blogger, and the Internet in general, I was convinced that the world took a turn for the worse in my absence after I saw the following pic in my Inbox.

We are Hello Kitties but we promise not to serve you cat food, heh heh

I tried to tell myself that the madness will never spread to Singapore because we are ~~boring~~ straight-laced, pragmatic, and sensible people. That is, until I found the most ultimate vending machine in the entire universe. Right there in Fort Canning.

I am ultimate! I serve both Coke and Pepsi!

In the same afternoon, I was to witness for myself the evolution of marketing. Last time we had Good Buys. Then we had Best Buys. All these pales in comparison with what we have now:

The most heroic marketing gimmick ever

I am so proud of being a marketing student :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There's something about How I Am Too Busy To Blog

2006-02-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

.
.
.
.

. . . . I really am too busy to blog lah.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. Currently hooked on Franz Ferdinand. Anyone wanna sponsor free tix :)? Haha....

There’s something about Why It’s Tough Being A Guy

2006-01-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

So I was reading ~~Adrienne~~ Adrenaline’s post about why it’s better being a man. Like those dead wise men love to say, the grass is always chewier on the other side, so I shall attempt to alleviate my friend’s pain and envy by highlighting some points as to why it’s tough being a guy sometimes.

1) We are deemed losers if we don’t drive.
According to what I read on the web these days, the Car is one of the quintessential pre-requisites before you are in consideration as Boyfriend/Husband material. By that definition, I’m doubly a loser because not only do I not have a car, I haven’t even started my driving lessons yet. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that in lieu of the car, B3 will accept my Kar Chng.

2) We get weirdoes staring at our you-know-what sometimes.
The convenience of peeing into the urinal is fine and dandy. Unfortunately, there are occasions when your overly friendly neighbor tries to strike up a conversation at the most inappropriate of times. Sorry, but I am not really interested in ‘making friends’ with you mid-way through my pee.

3) We are faulted when we display a lack of ambition.
During orientation, my class was asked where do we see ourselves in 10 years’ time. A babelicious classmate confidently answered Tai Tai. The nearest male equivalent my friends and I can think of is Tai Tai’s Lover Boy, which is simply not as glam.

4) We get ridiculed because of the body hair that sprouts from the weirdest of places.

5) We get ridiculed because of the lack of body hair.

6) We face a lose-lose situation at Horror Movies.
An involuntary squeal from us, and that’s it: We’ll be deemed as Ah Guas.

7) Come to think of it, we face a lose-lose situation at Teary Movies too.
When we don’t cry, we are deemed as ‘cold-hearted’ and ‘non-metrosexual’ (what the?!?!). When we cry, we are Ah Guas. Walau.

8) We get multiple orgasms on a regular basis.
Yah right.

I really should be doing my tutorials instead.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Why I Didn’t Try For Mass Comm

2006-01-15T08:50:00.000+08:00

I love meeting up with my buddies. Besides irritating the hell out of each other, we bitch a lot. And one of our pet peeves is about how ~~sucky~~ uninspiring our diploma course was. Just in case you are kaypoh and wondering which course I was in, I am not going to say it because I’m a kiasee who is paranoid about getting sued. For added protection, I wish to state here that my diploma has got nothing to do with tourism. Ahem.

Whenever I bemoan my choice of diploma to other friends, who fortunately was not from the said sucky diploma program, their words of consolation usually goes something like this: You deserve it, heh heh. I can’t blame my friends for being unsympathetic because what they said is basically true. With the hope that the youngsters reading this can learn from my mistake, here’s my story:

It all started when my bunch of buddies and I got our O level results. Being the typical end-product of the Great Singaporean Education System, we were worried shit about which JC or Poly course to go for because any misjudgment may result in a Major Screw Up In Life. This being a milestone decision, we spent many, many days (actually, just two) agonizing over it.

My buddy’s newly-wed uncle happened to be on honeymoon then, and had entrusted his house keys to my bud for safekeeping. In view of this gross misjudgment, I declined his uncle’s services as an insurance agent some years later, heh heh…. Anyway, I digressed. We decided to hold an all-nighter at his uncle’s place to thrash out which courses to go for, as well as spend some time reminiscing on the various misadventures through our Bengish days in secondary school.

This all sounded fine in theory, but making important decisions were the last thing on our mind when we met up. We spent a good part of the evening munching on pizzas while watching (of all shows) Keving Costner’s Waterworld. Then we played silly games to decide who is to finish the unwanted pieces of pizza after it became apparent that six large pizzas were too many even for four developing boys.

Maybe it’s because of the pizza and the many bottles of Pepsi, but we were soon feeling restless and hyperactive. Since the uncle was nice enough to let us stay for the night (actually, he had not idea we would be doing so), we decided to help check the newly renovated flat for any workmanship defects.

We were just trying to be helpful, but our noble efforts came to an abrupt stop after my bud stumbled upon the ‘jackpot’. While exploring the, eh, master bedroom, he found porn. To be more precise, a cabinet full of porn.

Being fully-functional, hot-blooded and able-bodied youngsters, we were utterly horrified by what we found. It was hard to reconcile the smut with the kindly image we have of his boyish-looking uncle. It was not an easy decision, but we decided to go ahead with what we know needs to be done: to prove his uncle’s innocence, we decided to go through the items one by one, with the hope that the video tapes with titles like ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is actually the Disney version and not those XXX versions.

That daunting task took us all the way till dawn, and sad to say, we emerged as bitter youngsters after confirming that every single tape was, eh, not suitable for viewing by the young. Tsk tsk.

We also almost forgot about the joint poly admission exercise that was taking place that morning. After some superhuman efforts, we finally made our way to the admissions centre and registered our course preferences. On the bus ride back home, I had this fateful conversation with my good buddy:

Good Buddy: Eh! I thought you wanted to apply for Mass Comm?

Me: Aiyah, I can’t apply here lah. You need to go for the direct application at Ngee Ann Poly.

Good Buddy: Ngee Ann?!?!? Damn far away leh. It’s on the other side of the island. So you going there to apply or not?

Me: . . . .

Me: I think we go back to your uncle’s place can?

And that’s the reason why I never applied for Mass Communications.

Damn.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Happy New Year Post

2006-01-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR BOYS AND GIRLS :D!

. . . . Eh, yah, I know I’m late by almost a week. I was racking my brains to come up with a feasible excuse for having ‘disappeared’ the past two weeks, with the more imaginative ones such as me being kidnapped by aliens for experiments.

But being the honest dinosaur I’ve always been (I heard it’s bad luck when you start lying at the start of the year), I’ve decided to come clean instead:

I spent the past two weeks training to be a ninja. . . .

I am sibeh cool ah!

. . . . Or more precisely, I spent the past two weeks watching Naruto. All 100 odd episodes of it. Not exactly the best way to start the school term, but I’m a geek and I’m loving it ok? This is also going to be a very short entry because I’m going to watch the nest episode in the next few minutes.

Holy Macaroni, not another addiction :P?!?!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about That Boyband Concert

2005-12-22T00:19:00.000+08:00

Hello boys and girls :D!

As I was telling everyone sometime back, the impossible became possible when I bought two tickets for a concert by this Taiwanese boyband that goes by the moniker 5566.

B3 nearly puked when I said I think I’m more hamsen. Damn.

I have to be frank here: B3 is absolutely crazy over 5566, but ~~I think they look sissy~~ I’m not really that enthusiastic about them. When B3 told me that the name 5566 is supposed to represent the 5 (or was it 6?) talents the boys have, I wanted to roll my eyes but thought the better of it because she might dig them out (the eyes, not the boys). I have a violent but adorable girlfriend, heh heh :) . . . .

But I got a feeling that I’ve made a terrible mistake the moment I reached Singapore Expo: There must be like gazillions of rabid 5566 fans making their way into the concert hall, and for a moment, I was reminded uncomfortably of the scene in Lord of The Rings when the orcs swarmed into the Goondu castle, or something like that.

Si Gina! You dare call who Goondu?!?!

Anyway, we managed to make our way to our seats without any injuries. I looked around, and discovered that basically, Taiwanese boyband concert goers can be classified into 3 broad categories:

1) The hormonally-charged, screaming, adoring female fan in her teens

2) The hormonally-charged, screaming, adoring middle-aged aunty

3) The bored boyfriend with that perpetual “I-am-sibeh-sian” face

Just in case you’re wondering, this is not me, but just some nameless guy on the net. Don’t be goondu lah!

I’m proud to announce I don’t belong the any of the above 3 categories because firstly, I’m not female, and secondly, I don’t want to sulk the entire night away. There’s no point in attending a concert unwillingly, because you’ll technically be subjecting yourself to a very slow, very painful, and not to mention very expensive 3.5 hours. There’s much better things you can do with that time, such as watching Barney reruns on TV.

With that in mind, I went in with the idea of enjoying myself. We even bought those light sticks so we can wave them around when the concert starts. And when I did that, walau, I felt like a hormonally-charged, screaming, adoring female fan in my teens.

The concert finally started after awhile, and I nearly went deaf. The adoring female fans were really in the mood, what with their ear-bursting screams, signboards that proclaims ‘I Want To Marry You’, and the amazing ability to memorize every lyric word for word.

I think they are damn athletic too, because they all stood and waved like crazy every time the boys appear on stage.

To their credit, the boys really put in a lot of effort into the concert. There must be like at least five hundred costume changes, and six thousand dance steps to remember. Their vocals are not that strong, but let’s face it: that’s not what most people are there for. They were there to entertain, and if the glazed look on that nearby ah-mah is any indication, they achieved their objectives I guess. I just tried my best not to laugh too loud when they appeared in their ~~cannot make it~~ eh, weirder costumes, while riding bicycles and shooting hoops.

Better don’t laugh at us, if not we hoot you then you know ah!

Anyway, the most amazing sight that night was not the numerous stunts the boys did. There was this couple who was sitting a couple of rows ahead of us, and somehow, the guy who most probably had a ‘I-am-sibeh-sian’ expression somehow managed to sleep the concert through despite all the screaming. I think he was either very sleepy, or wearing ear-plugs or something. Because he was in such a deep slumber, I guess he was also obliviously to the wailing arms of his obviously excited girlfriend.

As I was saying, it was quite an enjoyable show (I can’t believe I just typed that), and we knew it was going to end when the boys gamely came out for the prearranged encore (B3 and I knew it was prearranged because we saw the backstage crew bringing in the drums even before the crowd started screaming encore). We also noticed that the I-am-sibeh-sian-so-I’ll-pretend’I’m-sleeping guy was gone. His girl was gone too. I just hope they left not because they quarreled, but because they needed to go to the washroom badly, or forgot to put parking coupons or something.

All in all, it was a fun experience. B3 even said I cheered louder than her. I think she said that because she was delirious or something.

If you ask me, I guess I find enjoyed it because, well, it’s always the company that counts ;)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about How Busy I’ve Been

2005-12-15T06:31:00.000+08:00

There must be like gazillions of songs out there, but I can’t find one that can describe exactly how busy I’ve been recently. So I decided to come up with my own.

I Am Very Busy
Words: Barneysaurus
Tune: Que Sera Sera

I have been so freaking busy,
Sometimes I can’t find time to pee.
So many meetings!
Deadlines to meet!
I think I need MC. . . .

Oh my dark eye rings!
I’m sleepy but I cannot sleep.
But just two more weeks of this,
And I’ll go on leave. . . .

I have been so freaking busy,
Sometimes I can’t find time to eat.
I’m already skinny!
Have pity on me!
Kway chup sounds fine to me. . . .

Oh my dark eye rings!
I’m sleepy but I cannot sleep.
But just two more weeks of this,
And I’ll go on leave. . . .
And I’ll go on leave. . . .
And I’ll go on leeaavvveeeeeeeeeeeeee :)!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Run I Had Yesterday

2005-12-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hello boys and girls!

I am typing this despite my various injuries. My muscles are sore, my joints are swelling, and my skin feels patchy. It was as if I just ran 42km under the sun yesterday.

Wait a minute. I did run 42km under the sun yesterday. Here’s a blow-by-blow (and very long) account of what happened*.

*All timings are based on pure agaration

Dec ’04: Ah Seng, my buddy for the longest time, just completed his first marathon and tried convincing me to join him a year later. I replied ‘not in a million years’.

Aug ’05: Signed up for the marathon with Ah Seng. He appreciates the fact I finally took up his offer, but threatened to run off to the other side of the road if I start singing Hai Ou in the race, which I really wanted to.

2 Dec ’05: Went to the SExpo (as in the Sports Expo, you pervert) with Ah Seng and his gal to collect our runner’s kit. Thereafter dined at Carl’s Jr, where we complained bitterly about how expensive the meal was. Tried recovering our cost by drinking as much of the free-flow iced lemon tea as we could.

3 Dec ’05: They say you should always spend the day before an important event with a loved one. And so I did :)

4 Dec ’05, 04:00am: Woke up with a sore neck and a serious desire to forget about the whole thing and go back to bed, because I only managed to have five hours of sleep the night before. Then I thought about the quick buck I can make by selling the finisher’s t-shirt and medal on ebay, so I washed up reluctantly.

04:40am: I had to reach Yishun MRT by 5am for the ferry service, but there was no taxi in sight. Finally managed to flag one down minutes later, though I felt I was overcharged. Sembawang to Yishun need $7.50 meh?!?!

05:05am: Boarded the ferry service, and this uncle with very hairy legs decided to sit next to me. I know he was hairy not through visual means (it was pitch dark in the bus), but his pricky kah mor kept brushing against me. Damn.

05:30am: Reached Fullerton hotel. We were supposed to be ferried straight to the start point, but was told upon arrival that it was not possible due to the road closure. Spent the next five minutes rushing over to the Padang because I needed to deposit my bag, take a quick shit, and meet up with Ah Seng. Damn I was going to be late.

05:45am: Decided not to shit after taking a quick look at the remains of the previous occupant of the temp toilet. Joined the start line eventually, but Ah Seng was out of sight.

05:59am: The atmosphere was really good. I was surrounded by loud music (Final Countdown, dun play play), two DJs who were more enthusiastic than the runners, as well as tonnes of lady runners who were dressed appropriately for the occasion (ie very little… don’t pull my ear please, B3 :D!). I also know this was going to be a solo run when I couldn’t locate Ah Seng.

06:00am: And the race is on! I don’t know if this is a new fashion statement, but quite a few ang mos tied balloons to their backside.

06:20am: We reached Marina South, and was greeted by scores of runners peeing by the roadside. I shook my head disapprovingly at their immodest and inconsiderate behavior. Then I realized my bladder was full too, and hurriedly joined them in watering the plants.

06:30am: I really take my hat off the Kenyans. I just passed the 4km mark when I saw them exiting the 10km bend.

07:15am: I was still feeling good after completing 15km, and decided to eat this energy gel thingy to maintain my vigor. Bad mistake. Maybe it’s just me but it taste seriously yucky. Bleah.

07:30am: Saw more public pee-ers. I blame the lack of bladder control on the ample drinks that were provided throughout the run. I also discovered my ability to dodge incoming missiles after successfully evading the many discarded bottles of Ice Mountain when they came flying near my direction.

08:00am: Entered East Coast Park, where I had fond memories of because of BBQs, birthday celebrations and chalet all-nighters. Not anymore. ECP, I tell you, is pure torture. I hit 26km here (my previous best was only a pathetic 24km), and my ankles and knees have started to feel weird by then already. The sun also came out in full force, and before long, I found myself meekly limping along even though cheerleaders in skimpy outfits did their best to cheer the runners on. In desperation, I decided to eat my second Powergel, hoping it will now taste better. It didn’t.

10:15am: By the time I exited East Coast Park, the Kenyans have probably collected their trophies, bathed in their hotel rooms, and boarded the plane to another race already. Me on the other hand, is a sad picture of a runner jogging along limply, while clutching on to that bottle of diluted 100 Plus as a lifeline. I pondered the possibility of walking the remaining 12km, but the thought of spending another 4 plus hours in the hot sun just freaks me out.

10:15am to 11:30am: From this point on, it was a pure case of mind over matter. My joints were swelling, my upper limbs were numb, and the Katong sun seems to be hotter. The only thing that kept me going forward, besides B3, was the thought of sipping ice-cold Milo at the end of the damn thing. It was a sorry sight: almost everyone around me was struggling, many were slumped in the benches along the way, and quite a few vomited. I also discovered that my post 30km jogging speed is slower than some walkers’, and that some aunties and girls half my size totally outclassed me when it comes to long distance runs. It was a most humbling experience.

11:30am to 11:56am: I was limping along at the final leg of the race, and told myself I will jog to the finish once I hit 40km. But I just couldn’t do it. My limbs hurt like hell and the cramps are getting really bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had fainted there and then because I was having blurred vision, and an urge to strangle Ah Seng after the race.

Then I reached Marina Promenade which has a very special place in my heart because of her. And so with her in mind, I pushed myself and finally passed through the finishing line with my arms outstretched and a smile on my face :)

My afterthoughts for the race:

1) Ah Seng, I owe you and your gal a big one for waiting for me even though you finished like close to two hours earlier?!?! And the iced-milo was a life-saver, haha. . . .

2) I am not going to touch 100 Plus, or any other types of isotonic drinks for the next few months. Yucks.

3) I hope I won’t ever get convinced into torturing myself again. And yes, I did sang Hai Ou at the final leg of the race.

Anyway, I was diagnosed with dehydration, and am currently on two days’ worth of medical leave. It’s great lazing around at home and doing nothing. And I am so not going to jog for the next few weeks. Ha!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Run Tomorrow

2005-12-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

Updated!

105 days, 400km, and endless mornings of sweat-drenched jogging tee later, it’s finally going to happen in less than 9 hours’ time.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that dinos won’t be disqualified

Let’s rock.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

Update (5 December 2005, 7:44am): Yes yes, I completed the damn run already. Will be blogging about my ordeal soon. I am so sick of 100 Plus and other assorted isotonic drinks now. Bleah.

There’s something about Pop Songs

2005-11-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hello boys and girls :D!

So I was reading my previous entry, and decided not talk about the three things I said I was going to talk about. This is due mainly to the fact that I am a selfish purple dino who doesn’t really want to share the secrets about world peace, eternal glory, and how to get a digicam cheap. But if you are really interested (and willing to pay cash), I promise to reveal all that and more in an up-coming self-penned, self-produced and self-read self-help book titled The 7 Habits of a Highly Effective Dinosaur.

So instead of the secrets to world peace, I’ll be talking about something that has been bothering me for quite some time now: Pop songs. I swear these decadent byproducts of a post-modern society will bring about the eventual ruin of civilization as we know it, and I assure you I have my grounds for making this sweeping statement: according to the papers not too long ago, more and more youngsters are ‘getting it on’ and answering the nation’s call for more babies. This is totally unheard of among the teenagers of my time, when all we did for leisure was admiring each other’s coin collection and catching butterflies at Marina, while singing gaily to xin yao ditties.

I blame the promiscuity of today’s youth on commercial pop songs, which are full of sexual innuendoes. I suggest they be banned from the airwaves to protect the innocence of our future generation. Here’s a list of popular and seemingly harmless songs that we can start with:

This Love by Maroon 5
Sample Lyrics:
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do
Comments:
What can I say? This song is downright decadent. I suggest not only do we ban the song, but also get Maroon 5 marooned on some deserted island. Haha. I know. Damn lame. Haha.

Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones
Sample Lyrics:
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
Comments:
If this is not the anthem for sexually frustrated women, I don’t know what is.

The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice
Sample Lyrics:
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
Comments:
As you can see from the sample lyrics, there’s really nothing dirty about the song at all. But when a classmate first told me about the song, I seriously thought she was talking about porn.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by Dunknowbywholah
Sample Lyrics:
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
You'd better be good for goodness sake
You’d better watch out and you better not cry
Comments:
This is a scary thought, but voyeurs and stalkers could possibly been influenced by one of the most popular Christmas songs of all time.

Stand Up For Singapore by Dunknowby whoalsolah
Sample Lyrics:
Stand up for Singapore!
Do the best you can
Reach out for your fellow man
You got to make a stand!
Comments:
Answer the nation’s call for a higher birth rate by standing up for Singapore, literally.

Ok, I know the last two songs doesn’t exactly fall under Pop, but my eyes are getting really droopy already can? Before I sign off, let me recommend a song that everyone should be listening instead. This song is also dedicated to, eh, nevermind, secret, haha. . . .

I Love You by Barney & Friends
Sample Lyrics:
I love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too :)
Comments:
Filled with youthful innocence and cheer, listening to this song on a regularly basis will lead to long term benefits such as world peace and eternal glory. Listeners are encouraged to swing their tails and dance along to the infectious beat that goes dum-di-dum, or something like that.

Go forth and spread the love!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There's something about The Filler Entry To Save My Arse

2005-11-25T13:52:00.000+08:00

Hello boys and girls :D!

I'm writing this filler post in order to save my ass from getting kicked by Adrienne (see previous entry's comments) and gang who are looking forward to treating me to an expensive dinner and get me a super-duper nice Canon IXUS 55 for Christmas.

Yes, my exams are finally done, but I'm ironically busier than ever. But being the obliging purple man-eater that I am, I promise to write a long entry filled with the following juicy details when I'm free. Here's a glimpse:

1) I'll tell everyone the secret to world peace. . . . . Damn! I forgot I've told everyone the secret already!

2) I'll reveal the key to happiness, success and eternal glory. Serious! In three easy steps no less!

3) I'll describe in detail how I got my Canon for $160 lesser than the official retailing price. Yes, I couldn’t resist it and bought the cam already (frens of Barneysaurus, you can now breathe easy, though I must add I don’t really mind a spare digicam :)). In fact, it’s sitting prettily on my workstation while I type this, and it’s performing wonders such as somersaults and double back-flips to my amusement.

All right, that’s all for my purely nonsensical update. If you can actually stand my rubbish, I promise there’ll be more :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about That Canon IXUS 55

2005-11-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

Hello boys and girls!

Yes, I was MIA for the whole of last week because my balance in life was rather unsettled by three papers. The reason why I’m blogging now is not because the exams have ended, but rather because I’m totally immersed in a holiday mood already.

The sad thing is that I shouldn’t be in a celebratory mood because of the following reasons:

1) I still have one more paper to go. Tomorrow. And I haven’t really started revising. Why the hell am I on Blogger now?!?!?!

2) I’m still struggling just to complete the damn 21km this morning. And the damn marathon is coming in 3 weeks’ time?!?!? I need divine intervention.

3) My addiction to Spider Solitaire is getting from bad to worse. Which is usually the case when it comes to exam revision time. It got so bad in the past I actually made the painful decision of deleting both Minesweeper and Pinball from my comp a few exams back. But the fact I’m getting really good at SpiSol (Four Suits) makes it really difficult for me to hit the delete button this time. Damn you Bill Gates. You have nerdified me.

4) A project mate just told me she has returned my When Harry Met Sally DVD. Which is like weird because I can’t find it anywhere in my place ok? Damn. This reminds me of the Timmy Thomas (you know, that Dying Inside to Hold You guy?) cassette that a secondary school mate (note that I didn’t use the word ‘friend’ here) borrowed on a permanent basis. This being a family-friendly blog, I am trying my best to refrain from typing that string of vulgarities that is invading my otherwise innocent mind.

5) I am going back to work on Friday. Yes, just a day after my paper. There is no holiday for me. On the bright side, I am awaiting that super duper fat paycheck that will fund my Christmas wishlist, heh heh. . . . Speaking of which, I’ve sold off my digicam because ~~I am eyeing a super duper nice model~~ my old digicam died on me. Friends of Barneysaurus, this is by no means a hint, but I once read this saying by this very wise and very dead mystic that goes something like: “Generosity breeds good karma”. Or something like that.

I shall now log off blogger and turn mugger instead.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. Adreinne and gang, I really am not trying to hint about the super-duper-nice-Canon-IXUS-55-which-looks-really-slick-and-have-super-duper-nice-functions. Really. Though it makes a hell of a nice gift. It does really.

There’s something about Why You Should Not Make Decisions On The Spur Of The Moment

2005-11-09T23:07:00.000+08:00

Some time during the start of August, I was feeling shitty because of some shitty reasons. So when my long-time buddy asked me whether if I want to join him for the upcoming marathon, I said yes almost immediately. I agreed because I was feeling shitty, and according to extensive research done by the researchers at barneysaurus.blogspot.com, nothing relieves shitty feelings faster than a good round at the tracks. This is better explained graphically by the following equation:

Barneysaurus’ Theorem On Jogging:
Jogging = Removal of Shitty Feelings

Fast forward three months to now, and the shitty mood I was in have since been replaced by an incredibly 幸福 feeling. Since I’m no longer feeling shitty, the above equation fails to apply, and have even taken on a xsinister connotation, better explained graphically by the following equation:

Barneysaurus’ Extended Theorem On Jogging:
Jogging = Shitty Feelings

Alas, the Extended Theorem proved all too true when I dragged myself out of bed yesterday morning, praying for the rain that would have provided me with the best excuse not to jog. Unfortunately, rain, just like pimples, chooses to appear only in the most inappropriate of times and location. So I found myself going left-right-left-right under the blistering morning sun.

My observations over the two odd hours:

1) No babes jog on Tuesday mornings.

2) No babies jog on Tuesday mornings either.

3) Actually, with the exception of yours truly, no one jogs on Tuesday mornings.

By the time I was done with the torturous 21km, I was half-dead, and the only thing on my mind was the word Coke. I seriously wonder how am I going to complete twice that distance come 4th December. In my semi-conscious state, I came up with another equation.

Barneysaurus’ Super Improved And Modified Extended Theorem On Jogging:
Jogging = Shitty

Jogging is so not for dinosaurs.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Impossible Things

2005-11-05T19:17:00.000+08:00

So a friend once remarked that nothing is impossible. While I still find fault with the word nothing, the events over the past two months have led me to conclude that some seemingly impossible things are indeed possible. For example. . . .

1) That Lao Shu Ai Da Mi Song
Four months ago, I was subjected to not one, not two, but at least seven versions of the said song during a car ride to a friend’s wedding. While I genuinely appreciate my friend’s offer of a ride, the same cannot be said for her choice of in-car entertainment. I made a silent reminder to avoid hitching a ride again, and to avoid the Lao Shu song at all cost.

The impossible happened four months later, when 我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米 found itself on repeat mode on my Sony. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s because that song helped made point number 4 happen.

2) That Durian Puff Thingy
I absolutely hate durians. Besides the fact that it taste cold and slimy, I am also traumatized by the folklore that the fruit evolved from Admiral Cheng Ho’s, eh, bodily excretions (I swear I am not making this up). My dislike for the fruit was reinforced at the same wedding described above, when the groomsmen (me included) were collectively forced to eat it. I thus can never understand why anyone would spend good money on anything that is even remotely related to the foul fruit.

The impossible happened when I found myself helping Polar Cakes clear its inventory of durian puffs. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s because someone likes it.

3) That Pair of Concert Tix
I have a confession to make. The maiden concert I watched was not Michael Buble’s (it was the fourth), was not Lisa Ono’s (I have to forgo her show after the ticketing system screwed up), was not even Barney’s.

It was F4’s.

Before you get the wrong idea, let me state here that I am straight, and my idea of fun is anything but an evening getting squashed in a sea of hormonally-charged, screaming female fans. But my sister was, it was her birthday, and so I bought the tickets. After two plus hours of madness, I swore it was the last time I go to a Taiwanese boy band concert.

The impossible will happen this December. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s because I have bought the tickets already. Damn near the front some more. I think I’m mad.

4) That Serendipity
A freaky coincidence, but I was in an utter state of disappointment three months back, exactly. So I told myself, “Barney, you have had enough of this already. That four letter word that begins with a big L is but a big fallacy, and you are better off being lonely. Really.”

I didn’t know at that point of time, but exactly five days later, I will meet someone who changed that perspective completely. Talk about serendipity.

And for that, I am grateful to you. This entry is for you, B3 :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. Eh, if anyone has any good recommendations for durian puffs, kindly leave a comment please :) Thanks!

There’s something about The Surest Sign That You Are A Struggling Student

2005-11-01T10:50:00.000+08:00

So I woke up this morning, logged on to MSN, and saw a friend online.

Me: Eh! How come you are online? Don’t need to work meh?

Me: I know, you took MC again right? Keng! Muahahaha. . . .

Friend: . . . .

Friend: It’s a public holiday today lah, stupid.

It’s my first paper tomorrow. Help! I’m a struggling dino lost in a sea of notes.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Five Senses

2005-10-29T12:06:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning, and found myself smacked with a ‘Five Things’ meme by a very good friend. Being the dutiful dinosaur I am, here’s five random facts about me, with regards to the five senses:

1) Sight
I suffer from amblyopia, or what is more commonly known as lazy eyes: My left vision is 250 degrees while the right is 400. A friend, who has absolutely nullus knowledge in optometry, suggested that it was probably caused by me peeping through keyholes when I was a kid. Just in case you're wondering, that is totally untrue of course, heh heh. . . .

2) Hearing
According to my annual medical examinations, I have an almost superhuman level of hearing. I’m not too sure about that, but I do know that I partake in selective hearing. For example, when a teacher commented, “You are incredibly lacking in intelligence”, I hear it as “You are incredibly intelligent” instead.

3) Smell
Nothing much to say about this one, ~~except that the smell of Pantene shampoo turns me on.~~ . . . . eh, please ignore what I just said.

4) Taste
I absolutely cannot stand the taste of unpolished rice. My mum used to force my sis and I to take it when we were much younger because it’s supposed to have high nutritional value or something. The ordeal, I tell you, is worse than a round of caning or two. So I was amazed to find some of my friends actually enjoying that stuff. Yucks.

5) Touch
I had my butt groped during the Millennium countdown at Suntec City. A few times. I think my assailants have bad taste because if I were to grope anyone, I would choose anyone other than a purple dinosaur with spots.

I shall now subject more people to possibly public humiliation by passing this meme to Adrienne, Green Ogre, AKK, Kim and Nadnut. On another note, I’ll be busy as hell because my finals are spread over the coming two and a half weeks. I need tuition from a nice lao shi :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The 27 Year Old Virgin

2005-10-26T16:42:00.000+08:00

Virgin
noun
Pronunciation: vir-gin
Meaning: One who has never been laid

Virginist
noun
Pronunciation: vir-gin-nis
Meaning: One who discriminates against virgins

Source: http://barneysaurus.blogspot.com

As one of the former, I often find myself suffering at the hands of the latter. I also think I have the V word branded across my forehead because I was victimized in three separate incidents just yesterday alone.

Case Study #01: The Bus Driver
So I was rushing for class yesterday, which led to me rushing for this bus which was about to rush off. The bus driver was very kind, and waited for me… for about 5 seconds. Midway through my 100m sprint, he decided to drive off, leaving behind a very breathless and very embarrassed me. I thus conclude that the said bus driver is a virginist.

Case Study #02: The Train Driver
Exact same scenario as Case Study #01, except it took place at the train station 15 minutes later. I thus conclude that the said train driver is a virginist, and probably in cahoots with the bus driver in Case Study #01.

Case Study #03: The Cleaning Aunties
Half way through my afternoon lesson, I felt a desperate urge to ~~shi….~~ cleanse my bowels. So I went to the nearby toilet, and voila! It’s being occupied by a cleaning aunty. So I climbed a level up for the next loo, and was greeted by the sight of another cleaning aunty. I thus conclude that the said cleaning aunties are virginists.

The greatest insult, however, came over MSN from my 12 year old nephew who happens to be a virgin (I hope) and a virginist.

Nephew: You got watch the virgin show?

Me: Dun have. Too busy with school lah.

Nephew: No life sia. Anyway are you a virgin?

Me: (nearly chokes over my HL chocolate flavored milk)

Me: Of course I am lah! Your uncle very innocent one!

Nephew: Not surprised lor, you very pathetic one. Hahahahhahahahahhahaa!

I learnt three things from my MSN conversation:

1) Kids who completed PSLE have too much time on their hands.

2) Kids from my generation are much more innocent.

3) I am so going to choke-slam my nephew come CNY.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. To B Cube: I promised not to write anything about last night, so I didn't! Do I get a reward or something :)?

There’s something about The Filler Entry

2005-10-16T11:09:00.000+08:00

Alright people, I’m sorry for the lack of updates. I’m buried neck-deep with various assignments, while my finals are coming in less than a month’s time. After several late nights of mugging, my pimples are sprouting out horribly, in the similar fashion like how pimples tend to sprout out horribly after several late nights of mugging.

In spite of all these, I feel like the luckiest person in the world because of, eh, some reasons, heh heh. . . .

Alright, I shall attempt to lengthen this really short entry by leaving you with this really lame joke that just begs to be repeated:

Friend: . . . . Anyway, I gotta go. Will be eating soon.

Me: Alright, enjoy the kuehs then.

Friend: . . . . What’s with the kueh?

Me: Eh, you eating soon kueh right? Muahahahah. . . .

Pic courtesy of Makansutra.com

Friend: . . . . (logs off MSN)

I feel sorry for my friends sometimes.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There's something about Why There Is Hope For The Human Race

2005-10-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

I thought there is no hope for the human race.

But I was wrong.

All it took was her little ways,
Her signature faraway gaze,
Her smile that so amaze,
Left me breathless in daze.

The feel of her gentle hands make me believe,
That there is hope for the human race.

There’s something about Why There Is No Hope For The Human Race

2005-10-10T12:57:00.000+08:00

This post is obviously a homage to Cowboy Caleb.

. . . .

The following incidents have made me realize that there really is no hope for the human race.

1) Friendster is evil
While everyone is fussing over the new ‘Who-Viewed-Me’ function, I am much more disturbed by the ‘Popular Searches In My Network’ function. It seems that the top searches my network contacts indulge in include stuff like 林志玲走光 and 更衣室偷拍. Adrienne, if you are reading this, please find something better to do with your free time.

2) Blog Spammers
I’ve resisted the idea of enforcing word verification, because I know it is ~~a pain in the ass~~ troublesome to type in weird letter combinations before you get to key in your valued comments. I changed my mind last evening, when I received this comment from a spammer who has a link to, eh, procreation toys. Since this is a family-oriented site, I took down the link immediately, and set up the verification thingy. I am a socially responsible dinosaur.

3) Virginists
Society is not perfect, so we have sexists, racists, and ageists lurking around. It was only a matter of time before virginists came along. I was reading this blog entry (which I’ve unfortunately lost the link too) sometime last week about how pathetic it is to still be a virgin when you hit 30. Ok ok, it is rather pathetic, but some people can’t help it ok? Take me for example. I can’t find a female dino to mate with me because they are all extinct. On the bright side, I’ll probably get to dino-heaven on the account of my chastity, and sprout wings or something.

4) They are coming out with Teletubbies: The Musical

Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Big hug!!!!

Don’t worry, I’m just kidding. Haha.

In conclusion, there is no hope for the human race. By virtue of that, dinos will take over someday, so it would be prudent if you invest in some Barney VCDs today :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Secret to World Peace

2005-10-07T06:36:00.000+08:00

I’ve been so busy the past few days, I don’t have enough time to bathe.

Nay, I’m just kidding. Serious!

Anyway, I’m still very busy, but I just have to do this post because I have discovered the secret to world peace. . . for a limited time only.

The Secret to World Peace

If everyone will just click on the link and follow the instructions, the world will be at peace :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about My Belated Children’s Day Post

2005-10-03T21:15:00.000+08:00

Unlike most others, my recollections about Children’s Day are not exactly pleasant.

The events on Saturday did nothing to correct that perception. I may have the cutest niece ever, but my nephews are all mighty-morphing, power-puffing monsters in the making. Indeed, I nearly had a fit when they performed acrobatics and a mini version of Wrestlemania on my bed. In view of their assorted atrocities, they didn’t get any Yan Yan, but a box of yucky chocolates left over from New Year’s that was close to their sell-by date. Yes, I am a very nasty dinosaur. Heh heh. . . .

I blame my mean streak on my horrible childhood. For the record, I didn’t receive any Children’s Day gifts from my teachers because of the following reasons:

1) Not only was I not cute, I was plain fugly. My nephews had a good laugh when they went through my childhood photos on Saturday.

2) My studies sucked. I still have my primary school record book that is full of red marks, and proudly proclaims ‘Last In Class’.

3) I shitted in my pants. During pre-primary. Because I didn’t know enough English to ask ‘May I go to the toilet’ to my Indian teacher, and because I couldn’t hold it in till recess. It stank quite badly, and I wasn’t exactly popular with my classmates thereafter. I felt really sorry for the janitor, because he had to clean up after me twice.

4) I once got into a fight with a prefect twice my size. Literally. He was approximately 60kg to my approximate 30kg. He also knew Judo, and I almost had to have dental surgery to salvage my shaky front teeth.

5) I stole milk from a classmate. If you’re as old as me, you’ll probably remember how your teachers used to bug you to order those pasteurized milk that used to come in that weird pyramid shape. I couldn’t keep up the milk subscription because I was dirt-poor, and I stole because I was hungry and greedy for artificially sweetened chocolate milk. My life of crime came to an abrupt end one morning recess when I was caught red-handed, and I was subsequently subjected to corporal punishment meted out by mummy dearest. I always have a laugh when I recall this, but it didn’t really seem that funny back then.

6) I got caned in front of the school assembly for flashing myself to my female classmates. Nay, I’m just bullshitting for this one. The caned flasher was a classmate named Philip. Don’t ask me why I still remember his name because I have no idea why either.

There was also this particular incident that I recall rather vividly. You know how kids love to bring a cake to school for celebration during birthdays, so that they can hao lian a bit and maybe get a present or two? I was no exception. I can’t recall if it was during primary one or two, but I wanted desperately to bring a birthday cake of my own to school too.

Unfortunately, my family was really, really dirt poor. I spent a long time pondering how to broach the subject to my mum before finally deciding on this one:

Me: Can I have a birthday cake to bring to school tomorrow please?

Mum: (Thought about it for a while) Ok.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a pandan cake ready for school.

Although my mum bought an extra large one, it wasn’t really enough for everybody. But I was happy beyond words nonetheless. My teachers also got me this color pencil set as a present, and that was when I cried really badly in class.

That could have been the happiest day in my primary school life, until I heard one classmate commenting that I didn’t deserve the color pencils because I only brought a $1 pandan cake from the wet market.

I felt so ashamed.

And I felt damn pissed too. So I stole his chocolate milk for weeks. He must have been as vindictive as me because he almost broke my two front teeth a few years later. On hindsight, it was probably a good thing we were never friends, because I might just have joined him in flashing and get caned together.

I love my childhood recollections.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about My Secret Love

2005-10-01T15:27:00.000+08:00

Updated!

I knew it the moment when I laid my eyes on her last night, as she laid lost in dreams, an immaculate angel in immaculate white.

That I am in love.

I awoke in fear that my vision was but a dream, until I saw her coming out from the shower, smiling shyly as she dries her hair.

I thus conclude, that I have the cutest three-year old niece in the whole wide world :)

. . . .

Don’t worry folks, even though I hug and prance around with kids a fraction of my age on TV, I’m 100% free of pedophilic tendencies. Serious. And I am really glad they chose me over that Jackson Michael guy during the auditions, heh heh. . . .

The truth is, I don’t have much affinity with kids. During my stint as a waiter, I had to suppress the urge to strangle those eight-year old monsters when they spill ketchup on the table for fun. I also took sadistic pleasure when I saw the disappointed look on their pesky faces when I tell them the dessert of the day is not ice cream, but peaches. To be more specific, yucky canned peaches. Heh heh. . . .

But those kids under five, I can’t resist them. They just have to look at me with their little puppy eyes and I’m tempted to book the tickets to Disneyland already. That was why I felt an incredible urge to get my niece something because not only did she smiled at me with her little puppy eyes, it was Children’s Day too.

But since I am but a poor struggling student, I can only afford Yan Yan, strawberry flavor. Thankfully, my niece is not the materialistic sort, and she was damn happy with the gift. I was damn happy too simply because she loves it, and was over the moon when the dear offered me some of her Yan Yan. Sigh. . . .

I wonder when will I have kids of my own. Given my dismay romantic history, that seems like such a faraway possibility.

Oh well. Happy Children’s Day, everyone. You’re never too old to celebrate.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

Update (1 October 2005, 8:42pm): My niece gave me a kiss when she was leaving. I think she likes me too. Which confirms my suspicions that all kids like Barney :)

Or maybe she really likes the Yan Yan.

There’s something about The Fine Art of Bullshitting

2005-09-28T06:45:00.000+08:00

I was in this ~~utterly boring~~ beneficial career workshop a couple of weeks ago. During the few moments when I was triumphant in my fight against the Zzzz Monster, I think I actually managed to grasp what the lecturers were trying to say about interviews: Always stress about how good you are.

That sounds deceptively simple, especially if you are a high-flying dean lister (I have a 4000cc brain!) with stellar co-curricular records (I won the US Open the other day!). I’m in a perpetual state of depression because while there are too many overachievers in the uni, I am perpetually under-achieving.

For slacking bums like me, my wise lecturers have this follow up: If you have nothing good to say, then stress about how good your bad points are.

I shall valiantly give their suggestion a try:

I am very involved in social and community work. That is, I always part with 5 cents to drive away the pesky flag-sellers on weekends.

My hobbies include wine appreciation. That is, I drink beer a lot.

I am in tune with the latest happenings in the IT industry. That is, I spend my weekends on computer games and bargain hunting in Sim Lim.

I read the latest periodicals. That is, those ‘man-entertainment’ magazines.

I dare to take calculated risk. That is, I buy 4D.

I am very active in sports. That is, I watch ESPN frequently.

I am experienced in event management. That is, I organize the mahjong gatherings for my kakis.

I am able to work well independently. That is, I am anti-social.

I am able to work well in groups. That is, I leech on my project-mates well.

I am make use of all available resources. That is, I will bring the office stationery home.

I multi-task well. That is, I always procrastinate on my work, and the projects just keep piling up.

I like to communicate. That is, I spend too much time chatting on MSN.

I have great dreams and ambitions. That is, I would like to take over your job someday.

I am plan my finances carefully. That is, I am stingy.

I am a generous person. That is, I am a spendthrift.

I am a fan of the fine arts. That is, the fine art of bullshitting.

I'll like to stress the above points are not about me. I mean, I've never heard of any dinos who drinks, steals stationery, and plays 4D and mahjong.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Chalet Conversations, Part II

2005-09-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

Besides getting mocked at during that chalet outing last week, and discovering that three of my former classmates are now openly gay, I also got to reaffirm what must be two of the greatest mysteries of mankind, the second of which is this: Women are attracted to assholes.

What is worse is that they can’t seem to leave them.

Me: My goodness, have you lost weight again?

Attractive female ex-classmate: Haha, I’m on a diet lah. . . .

Me: But you don’t need a diet! You’re slim enough already!

Attractive female ex-classmate who is really slim: Haha… actually, I’m trying to save up. . . .

Me: Wow! Marriage plans? I’ll make sure you get a big ang pow!

Attractive female ex-classmate: Haha. . . no lah. . . I need to help Ah **** with his debts. . . .

Ah **** is this, for the lack of a better description, shithead boyfriend of my friend for as long as I can remember. I’ve only met him once before, and he didn’t exactly left a good impression because he was practically putting my friend down through out dinner with comments like Chicken chop again? You are so boring and No desserts for you because you are fat. My friend ended up ordering fish and chips, forgoing the ice cream, and paid for his dinner too. She also helped him clear his gambling debts he incurred from betting losses in the ’98 World Cup, only to have to do it all over again following the ’02 World Cup.

No wonder my friend doesn’t like soccer.

We suspect she has been abused by him before after a friend saw her wearing shades for work because of certain reasons. In a separate incident, another friend had a long talk with her after spying that jerk behaving intimately with another girl.

I thus find it incredible that she refuse to let go of this relationship. She is the nice and caring sort of friend who would SMS you a cheery ‘Happy Birthday!’ even though you’ve not met up for years, and bothers to ask how your mum is getting along when you meet up in a chalet. Even though she looks kind of haggard last week, she is still very attractive, and I bet there is no lack of suitors from her office in Shenton Way.

The scariest thing is, she is not the only friend I know who clings on to jerks for boyfriends. So the big question is: Why?!?!?

Here’s a list of the common reasons I collated from friends and acquaintances over time:

1) He is my first love.
I’m not sure if this is applicable to all girls, but almost all my female friends told me the first boyfriend always have a special place in their heart. Even if they are shitheads.

2) He can be really nice to me at times.
For my friend, that would be the memorable surprise party he planned for her 21st birthday, or the times he rode her to view the sunset at East Coast (I thought the sun sets at the west?). Unfortunately, my friend fails to see that such acts of sweetness occurs only at times, with the frequency decreasing over time.

3) Bad boys bring excitement into my life.
I have nothing to say about that.

4) I’m scared of losing this relationship and embarking on another again.
I know it is not easy to let go of a relationship. I know it is scary to be single and lonely on Saturday nights again. But frankly, nothing can be scarier than spending the rest of your life with someone who seems to take delight in making your life an absolute hell.

5) I don’t want to leave him because he is rich/ handsome/ ‘well-equipped'.
If that’s the reason, then congrats! The two of you deserves each other.

6) I don’t want to leave him because I believe he will change one day.
This is possibly the worst reason for not ditching a shitty boyfriend. Sorry to shatter your fairytale, but people don’t change. When they do, they change for the worse. If they do change for the better, then they should be the ones making the effort to win you back. It shouldn’t happen the other way round.

I thus conclude that there is no good reason why people should stick around with jerks when they deserve so much better. For goodness’ sake, find someone who can make you happy instead of making you cry. As incredible as it may sound, nice and single people do exist. For example, you, when you finally muster the courage to ditch that shithead.

Signing out, Barneysaurus

P.S. My friend had to leave earlier that night because Ah **** told her to ferry him to a drinking session with his buddies. Damn, we were so pissed.

There’s something about Why I Don’t Like Clubbing

2005-09-21T22:54:00.000+08:00

A few hundred Wednesdays ago, ~~a bad influence~~ a friend by the name of Adrienne brought me on my maiden clubbing trip at this place call Zook. I didn’t like it because of the following reasons:

1) I fell into a drain accidentally just before I reach the place. My first fifteen or so minutes at that nightspot was thus spent in the loo, squeezing rain water out from my pants and socks.

2) The guys there were happily mingling with attractive females, but I only had Pi De and Linx (two males) plus Adrienne (75% male) for company.

3) The place was thick with smoke, and I don’t smoke.

4) The place was meant for people who enjoy alcohol, and I don’t drink.

5) The place was full of people who can’t dance to save their lives, and I’m one of them.

Even though I didn’t like that place, I still enjoyed myself that night because of the company. Heck, I could even be in a fish market, but still enjoy myself if I’m with likeminded shitty people like Adrienne and Linx.

So basically, this post is not really about why I don’t enjoy clubbing.

It’s about why my friends rock :)

I love you guys!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. To the said ‘rocking’ friends: this post has got absolutely nothing to do with my birthday, which is incidentally coming in about a month’s time. Oh! Totally unrelated, but I was shopping the other day and saw this really nice and small and expensive Sony laptop model number VGN-T37 which would make a very nice birthday gift. That new condo near Orchard, or a sparkling new Toyota Celica sounds damn nice too. I stress again that this has nothing to do with my birthday, which is incidentally coming in about a month’s time.

There's something about The Way I Felt During Yue Bing Jie

2005-09-20T10:50:00.000+08:00

一张照片，两碗汤圆，人山人海的唐人街. . . .
好久没有看见彩虹，好久没有这样的感觉了. . . .

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Chalet Conversations

2005-09-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Me: I don’t understand. You’ve just broke off with xxxxx a few weeks ago, and now you’re attached already? I don’t get it.

He: It’s quite simple really: Single, eligible and attractive guys like me don’t stay single for very long.

Me: Oh yeah? Then why am I still single?

He: It’s quite simple really: You are neither eligible nor attractive.

I love the conversations I have with my brutally honest and utterly witty friends.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about My Missed Date With Ono Lisa

2005-09-16T15:49:00.000+08:00

Being a big fan of her, I was naturally thrilled the other day when I received this flyer: Ono Lisa’s coming for her maiden concert in Singapore.

The bad news is that the concert happens to fall on the evening before an exam. Damn.

I can think of several good reasons not to go for the concert, with the first one being the jeopardization of my exams. Secondly, I can save a lot of money, or get her CDs instead.

The final reason is that I’ll be watching the concert alone. I have watched movies all by myself before, but I’m not too sure if I can handle a full-length concert. I bet it will feel weird.

Then I recalled something I read a long time ago, probably by someone very famous and probably very dead: Life is too short for regrets. And I don’t want to regret having missed Ono Lisa. My exams can be prepared before hand; the money can always be earned back again; I don’t mind being on my own at times.

So I went to book my ticket online.

I think I made a great decision because I was allocated a great seat: dead centre, and just a few rows from the front. I happily proceeded to check-out.

And that was when the booking system screwed up on me. Apparently, the system couldn’t recognize my card, which entitles me to a good discount. I am too lazy to call the staff to sort things out.

And that’s how I missed my date with Ono Lisa.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Seven Things

2005-09-15T13:17:00.000+08:00

I don’t usually reply to chain mails. But heck, this is such a fun topic, I’ll do it for once:

7 Things That Scare Me
1) Meteors
2) Spear-wielding Cavemen
3) Tyrannosauruses
4) Dirty teeth
5) Balding
6) Homophobics
7) Michael Jackson

7 Things That I Like Most
1) Kids
2) Singing
3) Dancing
4) Roaring
5) My tail, which I whirl around a lot
6) Anger management lessons
7) Red, white, and blue sneakers

7 Important Things In My Room
1) The Barney suit I wear for Monday shows
2) The Barney suit I wear for Tuesday shows
3) The Barney suit I wear for Wednesday shows
4) The Barney suit I wear for Thursday shows
5) The Barney suit I wear for Friday shows
6) The Barney suit I wear for Saturday shows
7) The Barney suit I wear for Sunday shows

7 Random Facts About Me
1) I can’t close my mouth
2) Come to think about it, I can’t blink either
3) I smile too much
4) My skin gets kind of itchy after wearing that purple suit for hours
5) I auditioned for Power Rangers, but they said I was too fat
6) So did that fat bird from Sesame Street.
7) I am a very happy dinosaur.

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
1) Pee
2) Hold a world concert tour
3) Find a female dino and make lots of dino babies. I’m doing this so my kind won’t get extinct.
4) Climb the Empire State Building ala King Kong
5) Establish world peace
6) Make everybody happy
7) Tell Laura I love her. Tell Laura I miss her. Tell Laura not to cry, my love for her will never die.

7 Things You Can Do
1) I can eat
2) I can sleep
3) I can pee
4) I can walk
5) I can run
6) I can run faster
7) I can run very very fast

7 Things You Can’t Do
1) I cannot not eat
2) I cannot not sleep
3) I cannot not pee
4) I cannot not walk
5) I cannot not run
6) I cannot not run faster
7) I cannot not run very very fast

7 People I’ll Love To See Doing This
1) Alexander The Great
2) Bugs Bunny
3) Charlie Chaplin
4) Donatello (the ninja turtle, not the artist)
5) Edward Scissorhands
6) Fisherman’s Friend
7) Gundam

I also request incredibly ~~bo liao~~ creative linkees such as Adrienne and Gree Ogre to start their own 7 things list.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Joys of Jogging

2005-09-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

A friend popped this question to me while we were having dinner about a month back:

He: So are you ever going to give that four-lettered word that begins with a capital L a try again?

Me: . . . . Frankly, I have no idea. Damn scared about this kind of thing already.

He: You know something? What you need is a good jog. My mind always clears when I go for a run.

Me: I think you are right.

Me: Let’s join the marathon then.

So I found myself jogging a really long 16km yesterday evening. After all the training, I’m really hoping that it won’t rain when 4th December finally comes.

To that friend, if you ever happen to read this: I am incredibly scared about getting hurt and hurting someone again, but I guess I will give that four-lettered word that begins with a capital L a try again when I meet that special someone who is worth the risk of it all.

Red, white, and blue sneakers. . . .

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about The New Blog Name & That Birthday Dinner

2005-09-10T15:21:00.000+08:00

When I started this blog thingy a week or so back, I named it The New Adventures of Barneysaurus as a homage to The New Adventures of Bobbin by the utterly brilliant local freelance cartoonist Joycelyn Yik. I totally dig her works because the funny recollections of school, exams and crushes make me feel like a giggling schoolgirl all over again, except that I have ever been a giggling schoolgirl before of course. Heh heh.

In view of my proneness to suayness however, I have decided that The Misadventures of Barneysaurus will be a more apt title instead. So I changed it.

*Roars!*

. . . .

In another ten or so hours, Adrienne will fall officially under the ‘late twenties’ category. We had a good early celebration last night, though the presence of Missing Friend #01 (in the process of morphing into Dr Missing Friend #01 in down under), Missing Friend #02 (who promptly disappeared after her wedding), and Missing Friend #03 (who usually don’t reply your SMSes unless you are a very desirable female) were sorely missed.

But it’s ok, because all the Non-Missing Friends (#01 to #06, including Adrienne and Barney) were there. As usual, not everyone was on time, and we also spent a very long time deciding on where to eat. We eventually decided on Kenny Roger’s because it’s the year of the Rooster.

Miscellaneous lessons I learnt over dinner:

1) Safeguard your food. My friends showed how greedy they can be when they helped themselves to my mashed potatoes while I was busy SMSing.

2) Burger King discount coupons are not really ideal birthday presents.

3) Neither are Kenny Roger’s muffins, which we also tried to pass off as a birthday cake.

4) Try not to crack lame jokes when your friend is trying to swallow panadols. Especially if the said friend has a history of spurting water uncontrollably. Through the nose.

In short, we had great fun while doing pretty much about nothing, and only left after the staff cleared our table really noisily. I also suspect they turned off the aircon.

To Adrienne: Hope you had fun at that Nun Bar place after we left. You can collect your BK coupons and Barney VCD from me the next time we meet. Peace!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Why Insomnia Rocks (When It’s Not Happening To Me)

2005-09-08T06:54:00.000+08:00

Updated!

I was about to launch into another one of my ramblings that doesn’t make much sense, but decided not to because I think everyone, especially ladies, should read this instead.

Ignoring the fact that she is usually full of shit and her blog title is totally corny, I think that was one heck of a good entry by Adrienne. And she wrote it like in 2am because of insomnia? See, some things bad things aren’t that bad... especially when it’s happening to other people.... Muahaha....

For the underaged, try to ignore her earlier post about her male stripper fantasies.

To Adrienne: Get T to make a nice hot cup of Milo for you if you can’t sleep lah. And yah, I do realise that The New Adventures of Barneysaurus sounds even cornier than Naughty by Nature.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

Update:

As a follow up on my ‘suay’ post a couple of days ago, here’s a series of unfortunate events that occurred in the space of one morning. Namely, this morning.

1) I would have caught the bus, if not for the fact the lift stopped at the 9th, 6th, and 4th level. Getting in and out of lift fast must be a difficult skill to master for some.

2) I was going to be late for classes, but I didn’t want to be late because ~~I have a really cute tutor~~ I don’t want to miss out important teachings. So I decided to walk to the train station instead of waiting for the next bus.

3) It rained. Half-way while I was walking.

4) I realized my umbrella was broke when I tried using it.

5) I slipped and literally slide down half a flight of stairs. My non-existent butt hurts like hell now.

I hope that’s enough for one day. Please!

There’s something about How Suay I Am Part I

2005-09-06T11:15:00.000+08:00

Rationals say luck is nothing but a hogwash concept. The miscellaneous suay events that had occurred to me suggest otherwise:

Incident #01:
I applied for an internet connection when I just started poly, which was like donkey years ago. I was so excited when the starter kit arrived, I did the installation and dial up despite the fact it was raining really hard that day.

Then the unthinkable happened: I saw a bright flash of lightning, heard a loud clap of thunder, and saw my monitor went blank.

I was later told by the PC repair guy that my internal modem, together with the other stuff in my Com Port, got fried. I blame the faulty lightning arresters at my old one-room rented HDB apartment for that. I only got to surf from home three years later when I saved up enough for a new PC.

Incident #02:
They say lightning never strike on the same spot twice. Rubbish. My seriously injured second PC and dead second modem proved that theory wrong.

Incident #03:
When I shifted into my new place, I decided I had enough of line connections, and decided to go for cable broadband instead. I paid for the plan and installed the modem, only to find out that I couldn’t connect to the internet. And it wasn’t even raining that day.

The Starhub staff told me apologetically that they had overlooked the fact that the cabling for my flat, a new estate, was not done. And they had no definite date as to when the cabling will be completed. Damn.

I think that’s enough suayness for one blog entry. I haven’t even start on the time when I almost got hit by a bus when I was in the waiting area of an interchange. Maybe next time.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about My Very Brief Stint As A Tuition Teacher

2005-09-04T10:55:00.000+08:00

It was Teacher’s Day a few days ago, and this really cute friend of mine got a really cute card from her really cute tutee. I also heard the lucky seven-year old got to hug and kiss her, and I thought to myself: no wonder they say kids are getting luckier nowadays.

Anyway, I saw the card and felt jealous immediately because… I have never received a Teacher’s Day card before! I pondered long and hard about why that is so, and finally came up with two very good reasons:

1) I am not a teacher.
2) Nor am I a tuition teacher.

Confession time: I did try my hand at tutoring before. It was just after my ‘O’ level results, and this friend who was a year my junior approached me to guide her in the Principles of Accounts. I said yes immediately because she offered to treat me McDonald’s in return for the favor (yes, I am cheapo).

What I didn’t know at that point of time, was that she wanted the tuition at her place.

As a family-oriented blog, Barneysaurus have this piece of advice for you: Never, NEVER ever visit the place of a member of the opposite sex, because it’s dangerous ok? I shudder to think of what might have happened: she could have molested me and I would have been left traumatized to this day. *Shudders

Anyway, I wasn’t thinking of anything funny, if that’s what you’re thinking, because I am a very, ahem, decent and innocent boy. So I prepared the notes and went over to her place the next day as agreed.

She: Wah! You very punctual leh!

Me: Haha, I don’t like to keep people waiting! Where’s uncle and auntie?

She: Huh? They are working lah.

Me: Oh! Eh, ok… where should we start?

She: We’ll study at my room ok? Got air-con there. Very hot today lah.

So we started the tuition session. After an hour or so, it was apparent that the tutoring couldn’t continue because we couldn’t bear it any longer:

She: I give up! This debit and credit thing eludes me!

Me: Hmmm… actually you just have to follow the steps I taught you here, here, and here….

She: I don’t understand! Why must debit be on this side and credit on the other side?!?!

Me: Eh… I also don’t know! It just so happen to be this way lah!

She: Your tutoring cannot make it.

Me: That’s because you are a dumb tutee.

She: More like because you are a lousy tutor.

Basically, we both felt like strangling each other after awhile.

Then we both got a shock because the door room opened suddenly. No, it was not the seventh month thingy. It was her dad. And I was really glad I am a decent and innocent boy because I might have got my neck broken if I wasn’t.

Her Dad: Aor! You teaching her tuition huh? Good good, I don’t disturb you two!

At the end of the day, my friend and I came to the common conclusion that she was hopeless in accounts, and that I will never be able to make a living as a tuition teacher. She also went back on her promise about McDonald’s, and I believe that brought bad karma because she went on to fail accounts that year.

Muahahah!

And that concludes my very brief career as a tuition teacher.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Barneysaurus.Blogspot.Com

2005-09-01T22:29:00.000+08:00

According to an independent and wholly unreliable research conducted by me, myself and Iamme, everyone has a super hero to look up to.

For some, it’s Superman, Batman or Spidey. For others, it may be Mickey, Winnie, or *ahem* Hello Kitty. You also have people who find inspiration in real people such as Mother Theresa, Santa Claus and Tinky Winky.

My super hero, on the other hand, is Barney.

Unfortunately, this makes me the subject of misdirected ostracism because all my friends don’t like me that fellow too much. Their reasons include:

1) He is fat.
2) And bald.
3) He dances around kids naked.
4) He is of a different skin color.
5) His teeth are too straight. (what the?!?!)

Parents probably curse and swear every time their kids force them to buy over-priced Barney products. I also bet these very same kids are going to spend the rest of their lives denying that they spent their childhood singing along to ‘I Love You’ once they reach puberty.

And that makes Barney ultimately a tragic figure: it’s inevitable that he will be hated by everyone someday.

But Barney, he is one hell of a strong fellow. He is happy despite the daily dose of scorn, humiliation and misery he suffers. He is persistently optimistic: I think even if you slap him around and set his tail on fire, he will still smile and try his best to make everybody happy. He reminds me uncomfortably of someone I know rather well.

And that is why Barney is my super hero. This blog is dedicated to that purple dino, and all the assorted underdogs in the world.

“You know what?” commented an old friend after I told her about the name of this blog, “Your profile pic makes me sick. Nobody is going to read something as lame as Barneysaurus. Gays maybe, but not me.”

Being the good friend I am, I have decided to get her a Barney VCD for her coming birthversary.

Signing off, Barneysaurus