There’s something about Why It’s Tough Being A Guy

So I was reading Adrienne Adrenaline’s post about why it’s better being a man. Like those dead wise men love to say, the grass is always chewier on the other side, so I shall attempt to alleviate my friend’s pain and envy by highlighting some points as to why it’s tough being a guy sometimes.


1) We are deemed losers if we don’t drive.
According to what I read on the web these days, the Car is one of the quintessential pre-requisites before you are in consideration as Boyfriend/Husband material. By that definition, I’m doubly a loser because not only do I not have a car, I haven’t even started my driving lessons yet. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that in lieu of the car, B3 will accept my Kar Chng.

2) We get weirdoes staring at our you-know-what sometimes.
The convenience of peeing into the urinal is fine and dandy. Unfortunately, there are occasions when your overly friendly neighbor tries to strike up a conversation at the most inappropriate of times. Sorry, but I am not really interested in ‘making friends’ with you mid-way through my pee.

3) We are faulted when we display a lack of ambition.
During orientation, my class was asked where do we see ourselves in 10 years’ time. A babelicious classmate confidently answered Tai Tai. The nearest male equivalent my friends and I can think of is Tai Tai’s Lover Boy, which is simply not as glam.

4) We get ridiculed because of the body hair that sprouts from the weirdest of places.

5) We get ridiculed because of the lack of body hair.

6) We face a lose-lose situation at Horror Movies.
An involuntary squeal from us, and that’s it: We’ll be deemed as Ah Guas.

7) Come to think of it, we face a lose-lose situation at Teary Movies too.
When we don’t cry, we are deemed as ‘cold-hearted’ and ‘non-metrosexual’ (what the?!?!). When we cry, we are Ah Guas. Walau.

8) We get multiple orgasms on a regular basis.
Yah right.


I really should be doing my tutorials instead.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

There’s something about Why I Didn’t Try For Mass Comm

I love meeting up with my buddies. Besides irritating the hell out of each other, we bitch a lot. And one of our pet peeves is about how sucky uninspiring our diploma course was. Just in case you are kaypoh and wondering which course I was in, I am not going to say it because I’m a kiasee who is paranoid about getting sued. For added protection, I wish to state here that my diploma has got nothing to do with tourism. Ahem.

Whenever I bemoan my choice of diploma to other friends, who fortunately was not from the said sucky diploma program, their words of consolation usually goes something like this: You deserve it, heh heh. I can’t blame my friends for being unsympathetic because what they said is basically true. With the hope that the youngsters reading this can learn from my mistake, here’s my story:

It all started when my bunch of buddies and I got our O level results. Being the typical end-product of the Great Singaporean Education System, we were worried shit about which JC or Poly course to go for because any misjudgment may result in a Major Screw Up In Life. This being a milestone decision, we spent many, many days (actually, just two) agonizing over it.

My buddy’s newly-wed uncle happened to be on honeymoon then, and had entrusted his house keys to my bud for safekeeping. In view of this gross misjudgment, I declined his uncle’s services as an insurance agent some years later, heh heh…. Anyway, I digressed. We decided to hold an all-nighter at his uncle’s place to thrash out which courses to go for, as well as spend some time reminiscing on the various misadventures through our Bengish days in secondary school.

This all sounded fine in theory, but making important decisions were the last thing on our mind when we met up. We spent a good part of the evening munching on pizzas while watching (of all shows) Keving Costner’s Waterworld. Then we played silly games to decide who is to finish the unwanted pieces of pizza after it became apparent that six large pizzas were too many even for four developing boys.

Maybe it’s because of the pizza and the many bottles of Pepsi, but we were soon feeling restless and hyperactive. Since the uncle was nice enough to let us stay for the night (actually, he had not idea we would be doing so), we decided to help check the newly renovated flat for any workmanship defects.

We were just trying to be helpful, but our noble efforts came to an abrupt stop after my bud stumbled upon the ‘jackpot’. While exploring the, eh, master bedroom, he found porn. To be more precise, a cabinet full of porn.

Being fully-functional, hot-blooded and able-bodied youngsters, we were utterly horrified by what we found. It was hard to reconcile the smut with the kindly image we have of his boyish-looking uncle. It was not an easy decision, but we decided to go ahead with what we know needs to be done: to prove his uncle’s innocence, we decided to go through the items one by one, with the hope that the video tapes with titles like ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is actually the Disney version and not those XXX versions.

That daunting task took us all the way till dawn, and sad to say, we emerged as bitter youngsters after confirming that every single tape was, eh, not suitable for viewing by the young. Tsk tsk.

We also almost forgot about the joint poly admission exercise that was taking place that morning. After some superhuman efforts, we finally made our way to the admissions centre and registered our course preferences. On the bus ride back home, I had this fateful conversation with my good buddy:


Good Buddy: Eh! I thought you wanted to apply for Mass Comm?

Me: Aiyah, I can’t apply here lah. You need to go for the direct application at Ngee Ann Poly.

Good Buddy: Ngee Ann?!?!? Damn far away leh. It’s on the other side of the island. So you going there to apply or not?

Me: . . . .

Me: I think we go back to your uncle’s place can?


And that’s the reason why I never applied for Mass Communications.

Damn.

Signing off,
Barneysaurus

There’s something about The Happy New Year Post

HAPPY NEW YEAR BOYS AND GIRLS :D!

. . . . Eh, yah, I know I’m late by almost a week. I was racking my brains to come up with a feasible excuse for having ‘disappeared’ the past two weeks, with the more imaginative ones such as me being kidnapped by aliens for experiments.

But being the honest dinosaur I’ve always been (I heard it’s bad luck when you start lying at the start of the year), I’ve decided to come clean instead:

I spent the past two weeks training to be a ninja. . . .



I am sibeh cool ah!


. . . . Or more precisely, I spent the past two weeks watching Naruto. All 100 odd episodes of it. Not exactly the best way to start the school term, but I’m a geek and I’m loving it ok? This is also going to be a very short entry because I’m going to watch the nest episode in the next few minutes.

Holy Macaroni, not another addiction :P?!?!

Signing off, Barneysaurus