Possibly fictitious, Positively ridiculous, Potentially delirious

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

There’s something about Pop Songs



Hello boys and girls :D!

So I was reading my previous entry, and decided not talk about the three things I said I was going to talk about. This is due mainly to the fact that I am a selfish purple dino who doesn’t really want to share the secrets about world peace, eternal glory, and how to get a digicam cheap. But if you are really interested (and willing to pay cash), I promise to reveal all that and more in an up-coming self-penned, self-produced and self-read self-help book titled The 7 Habits of a Highly Effective Dinosaur.

So instead of the secrets to world peace, I’ll be talking about something that has been bothering me for quite some time now: Pop songs. I swear these decadent byproducts of a post-modern society will bring about the eventual ruin of civilization as we know it, and I assure you I have my grounds for making this sweeping statement: according to the papers not too long ago, more and more youngsters are ‘getting it on’ and answering the nation’s call for more babies. This is totally unheard of among the teenagers of my time, when all we did for leisure was admiring each other’s coin collection and catching butterflies at Marina, while singing gaily to xin yao ditties.

I blame the promiscuity of today’s youth on commercial pop songs, which are full of sexual innuendoes. I suggest they be banned from the airwaves to protect the innocence of our future generation. Here’s a list of popular and seemingly harmless songs that we can start with:


This Love by Maroon 5
Sample Lyrics:
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

Comments:
What can I say? This song is downright decadent. I suggest not only do we ban the song, but also get Maroon 5 marooned on some deserted island. Haha. I know. Damn lame. Haha.


Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones
Sample Lyrics:
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I don’t know why I didn’t come

Comments:
If this is not the anthem for sexually frustrated women, I don’t know what is.


The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice
Sample Lyrics:
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time

Comments:
As you can see from the sample lyrics, there’s really nothing dirty about the song at all. But when a classmate first told me about the song, I seriously thought she was talking about porn.


Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by Dunknowbywholah
Sample Lyrics:
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
You'd better be good for goodness sake
You’d better watch out and you better not cry

Comments:
This is a scary thought, but voyeurs and stalkers could possibly been influenced by one of the most popular Christmas songs of all time.


Stand Up For Singapore by Dunknowby whoalsolah
Sample Lyrics:
Stand up for Singapore!
Do the best you can
Reach out for your fellow man
You got to make a stand!

Comments:
Answer the nation’s call for a higher birth rate by standing up for Singapore, literally.


Ok, I know the last two songs doesn’t exactly fall under Pop, but my eyes are getting really droopy already can? Before I sign off, let me recommend a song that everyone should be listening instead. This song is also dedicated to, eh, nevermind, secret, haha. . . .


I Love You by Barney & Friends
Sample Lyrics:
I love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too :)

Comments:
Filled with youthful innocence and cheer, listening to this song on a regularly basis will lead to long term benefits such as world peace and eternal glory. Listeners are encouraged to swing their tails and dance along to the infectious beat that goes dum-di-dum, or something like that.


Go forth and spread the love!

Signing off, Barneysaurus

Friday, November 25, 2005

There's something about The Filler Entry To Save My Arse



Hello boys and girls :D!

I'm writing this filler post in order to save my ass from getting kicked by Adrienne (see previous entry's comments) and gang who are looking forward to treating me to an expensive dinner and get me a super-duper nice Canon IXUS 55 for Christmas.

Yes, my exams are finally done, but I'm ironically busier than ever. But being the obliging purple man-eater that I am, I promise to write a long entry filled with the following juicy details when I'm free. Here's a glimpse:


1) I'll tell everyone the secret to world peace. . . . . Damn! I forgot I've told everyone the secret already!

2) I'll reveal the key to happiness, success and eternal glory. Serious! In three easy steps no less!

3) I'll describe in detail how I got my Canon for $160 lesser than the official retailing price. Yes, I couldn’t resist it and bought the cam already (frens of Barneysaurus, you can now breathe easy, though I must add I don’t really mind a spare digicam :)). In fact, it’s sitting prettily on my workstation while I type this, and it’s performing wonders such as somersaults and double back-flips to my amusement.


All right, that’s all for my purely nonsensical update. If you can actually stand my rubbish, I promise there’ll be more :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

There’s something about That Canon IXUS 55



Hello boys and girls!

Yes, I was MIA for the whole of last week because my balance in life was rather unsettled by three papers. The reason why I’m blogging now is not because the exams have ended, but rather because I’m totally immersed in a holiday mood already.

The sad thing is that I shouldn’t be in a celebratory mood because of the following reasons:


1) I still have one more paper to go. Tomorrow. And I haven’t really started revising. Why the hell am I on Blogger now?!?!?!

2) I’m still struggling just to complete the damn 21km this morning. And the damn marathon is coming in 3 weeks’ time?!?!? I need divine intervention.

3) My addiction to Spider Solitaire is getting from bad to worse. Which is usually the case when it comes to exam revision time. It got so bad in the past I actually made the painful decision of deleting both Minesweeper and Pinball from my comp a few exams back. But the fact I’m getting really good at SpiSol (Four Suits) makes it really difficult for me to hit the delete button this time. Damn you Bill Gates. You have nerdified me.

4) A project mate just told me she has returned my When Harry Met Sally DVD. Which is like weird because I can’t find it anywhere in my place ok? Damn. This reminds me of the Timmy Thomas (you know, that Dying Inside to Hold You guy?) cassette that a secondary school mate (note that I didn’t use the word ‘friend’ here) borrowed on a permanent basis. This being a family-friendly blog, I am trying my best to refrain from typing that string of vulgarities that is invading my otherwise innocent mind.

5) I am going back to work on Friday. Yes, just a day after my paper. There is no holiday for me. On the bright side, I am awaiting that super duper fat paycheck that will fund my Christmas wishlist, heh heh. . . . Speaking of which, I’ve sold off my digicam because I am eyeing a super duper nice model my old digicam died on me. Friends of Barneysaurus, this is by no means a hint, but I once read this saying by this very wise and very dead mystic that goes something like: “Generosity breeds good karma”. Or something like that.


I shall now log off blogger and turn mugger instead.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. Adreinne and gang, I really am not trying to hint about the super-duper-nice-Canon-IXUS-55-which-looks-really-slick-and-have-super-duper-nice-functions. Really. Though it makes a hell of a nice gift. It does really.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

There’s something about Why You Should Not Make Decisions On The Spur Of The Moment



Some time during the start of August, I was feeling shitty because of some shitty reasons. So when my long-time buddy asked me whether if I want to join him for the upcoming marathon, I said yes almost immediately. I agreed because I was feeling shitty, and according to extensive research done by the researchers at barneysaurus.blogspot.com, nothing relieves shitty feelings faster than a good round at the tracks. This is better explained graphically by the following equation:


Barneysaurus’ Theorem On Jogging:

Jogging = Removal of Shitty Feelings



Fast forward three months to now, and the shitty mood I was in have since been replaced by an incredibly 幸福 feeling. Since I’m no longer feeling shitty, the above equation fails to apply, and have even taken on a xsinister connotation, better explained graphically by the following equation:


Barneysaurus’ Extended Theorem On Jogging:

Jogging = Shitty Feelings



Alas, the Extended Theorem proved all too true when I dragged myself out of bed yesterday morning, praying for the rain that would have provided me with the best excuse not to jog. Unfortunately, rain, just like pimples, chooses to appear only in the most inappropriate of times and location. So I found myself going left-right-left-right under the blistering morning sun.

My observations over the two odd hours:


1) No babes jog on Tuesday mornings.

2) No babies jog on Tuesday mornings either.

3) Actually, with the exception of yours truly, no one jogs on Tuesday mornings.


By the time I was done with the torturous 21km, I was half-dead, and the only thing on my mind was the word Coke. I seriously wonder how am I going to complete twice that distance come 4th December. In my semi-conscious state, I came up with another equation.


Barneysaurus’ Super Improved And Modified Extended Theorem On Jogging:

Jogging = Shitty



Jogging is so not for dinosaurs.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

Saturday, November 05, 2005

There’s something about Impossible Things



So a friend once remarked that nothing is impossible. While I still find fault with the word nothing, the events over the past two months have led me to conclude that some seemingly impossible things are indeed possible. For example. . . .


1) That Lao Shu Ai Da Mi Song
Four months ago, I was subjected to not one, not two, but at least seven versions of the said song during a car ride to a friend’s wedding. While I genuinely appreciate my friend’s offer of a ride, the same cannot be said for her choice of in-car entertainment. I made a silent reminder to avoid hitching a ride again, and to avoid the Lao Shu song at all cost.

The impossible happened four months later, when 我爱你,爱着你,就像老鼠爱大米 found itself on repeat mode on my Sony. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s because that song helped made point number 4 happen.


2) That Durian Puff Thingy
I absolutely hate durians. Besides the fact that it taste cold and slimy, I am also traumatized by the folklore that the fruit evolved from Admiral Cheng Ho’s, eh, bodily excretions (I swear I am not making this up). My dislike for the fruit was reinforced at the same wedding described above, when the groomsmen (me included) were collectively forced to eat it. I thus can never understand why anyone would spend good money on anything that is even remotely related to the foul fruit.

The impossible happened when I found myself helping Polar Cakes clear its inventory of durian puffs. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s because someone likes it.


3) That Pair of Concert Tix
I have a confession to make. The maiden concert I watched was not Michael Buble’s (it was the fourth), was not Lisa Ono’s (I have to forgo her show after the ticketing system screwed up), was not even Barney’s.

It was F4’s.

Before you get the wrong idea, let me state here that I am straight, and my idea of fun is anything but an evening getting squashed in a sea of hormonally-charged, screaming female fans. But my sister was, it was her birthday, and so I bought the tickets. After two plus hours of madness, I swore it was the last time I go to a Taiwanese boy band concert.

The impossible will happen this December. I’m not too sure why, but I think it’s because I have bought the tickets already. Damn near the front some more. I think I’m mad.


4) That Serendipity
A freaky coincidence, but I was in an utter state of disappointment three months back, exactly. So I told myself, “Barney, you have had enough of this already. That four letter word that begins with a big L is but a big fallacy, and you are better off being lonely. Really.”

I didn’t know at that point of time, but exactly five days later, I will meet someone who changed that perspective completely. Talk about serendipity.

And for that, I am grateful to you. This entry is for you, B3 :)

Signing off, Barneysaurus

P.S. Eh, if anyone has any good recommendations for durian puffs, kindly leave a comment please :) Thanks!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

There’s something about The Surest Sign That You Are A Struggling Student



So I woke up this morning, logged on to MSN, and saw a friend online.


Me: Eh! How come you are online? Don’t need to work meh?

Me: I know, you took MC again right? Keng! Muahahaha. . . .

Friend: . . . .

Friend: It’s a public holiday today lah, stupid.


It’s my first paper tomorrow. Help! I’m a struggling dino lost in a sea of notes.

Signing off, Barneysaurus

 
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